“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
I’m sure many people have heard this saying as children. Many of the same children began to grow up and realize that this is far from the truth. The new sticks and stones are words. Words are so powerful that it can effect a person’s life forever. Sit back and remember a time where someone said something to you that made your heart jump. Why did it affect you so much? What is it that the person said that made you want to crawl into a corner and reevaluate yourself? Is it insecurity? Many may say that it is. Did they ever talk about how that person can repeatedly say certain things that can allow you to think that you’re lower than what you are, triggering your insecurity that you kept locked away? For example, for a very long time, you didn’t think you were attractive enough to be in a relationship with anyone. You started to develop a sense of self worth and as a result, you ended up dating and falling in love with someone that took you as you were. That person could have been everything you wanted, AT FIRST, until the both of you started to get comfortable with each other.
“You know I can get anyone I want right? I mean look at you” that person says during an argument. That triggered something inside of you and you felt as if that person hit you with a bat but no physical contact was made. That person unlocked something that was inside of you that you wanted to keep locked away or at least under control. What do you do about it? Does it hurt? Why do words hurt so much to the point of self destruction? Is it because we are weak minded? Not at all, for the most part.
It is because that person is abusing you at your core and that is your mentality. People say mean things and we know this. But it’s those triggers that can hurt us. Once someone pulls that trigger then chunks of your mentality is splattered against the walls of your head. On the outside, you are physically ok, but on the inside, especially in your head, you are being destroyed. This is the worst form of abuse. Physical abuse, don’t get me wrong, is a harsh way to abuse someone. But overtime, those wounds will heal even though the trauma will still be there. But verbal abuse can cut so deep that you will never forget what was said to you. Someone that abuses you with their words are very dangerous because that person can manipulate you into doing something that you wouldn’t normally do. They are in control of your mentality without you even knowing it. And the worst part about being emotionally abused is that it’s not readily seen. You may not have any idea that someone is being mentally abused and that is what makes mental abuse a dangerous form of abuse because words can cut very deeply.
Don’t believe me? Remember the last thing that you read. Did you feel attached to those words in the book or article that you were reading. Did the words that you read stick with you even after you were done reading them? Words are powerful and just like a book, words that are said to you, negatively or positively, can effect your state of mind. I’m pretty sure that you would rather someone call you a good person rather than an evil person. Depending on what kind of person that you are, you would feel hurt that someone called you useless knowing that, in your heart, you did everything you humanly could. Words, sometimes, can be stronger than fists. A bruised face still has a clear mind to make a decision and leave, but a bruised mentality along with a bruised heart can make it difficult to even calculate what you should do next.
If you or someone you know are being abused or you think they are being abused by someone rather it be a spouse, loved one, or just a friend, please do not ignore the signs. Typically when someone is being mentally abused that person tend to make excuses for that person’s behavior or may appear distant when talking about that person. Do not pressure the person to get help or leave because, as I stated before, their heart and mentality are both bruised. Trying to get someone out of an emotionally abusive relationship is similar to trying to help someone with a bullet wound. The more you dig, the more it will hurt. It is best to have that person see for themselves that the person doing this to them isn’t worth it. Why would you want someone that makes you feel bad? You gained the strength to gather that self worth on your own. You used to be your own abuser. Do not allow someone else to abuse you the way you used to. If you do, then what’s the point in your own self worth? You are human just like them. You deserve the best life you can possibly have. Words shouldn’t effect you that way. Do you feel you deserve it? Think really hard about that question.
This is why I say that verbal abuse is an art because to successfully break someone down to their core, you will have to speak into their insecurities as well as their self worth. If you appear weak then that person will see you as an easy target for mentally abuse and manipulation. Be strong, fight out the words that are spoken and know that you will get passed this. No matter what form of abuse you are dealing with, with the support of others you will have the strength to support yourself and fix this situation so you can have the life you’ve always wanted and that’s a life of mental freedom.