Maybe I’m not pretty enough. Maybe I’m not small enough. Maybe I’m just not smart enough. Why can’t I just be enough? Maybe if I were to post more pictures on social media, I will get more people’s attention. Maybe if I posted more of anything anywhere anytime and was more available for people then maybe more people will like me.
Maybe I’m too black? Does my black skin intimidate you? Maybe if I was white I’ll receive more attention from the masses. Maybe my hair isn’t long enough. My short fro took me awhile to get used to. It took me awhile to even embrace my short natural hair. But what if I was to cut it all off and start over? Would that even matter?
Maybe if I stopped writing so much and started talking more then people would take me seriously. Maybe if I read more fiction I can understand what it means to be a human being. Fiction isn’t real nor is it real to be what society wants you to be, but you will continue to mold yourself to be it anyway. Maybe if I learned more about the lies that were taught in school then maybe I can relate more to the crap that comes out of many people’s mouths.
Maybe if I was taller I can reach the stars and touch the moon and the sun. Maybe if I was born in a different era, I can have the experience of having nothing to possibly having everything. Maybe if I was born to different parents then my life would be much different than it is. I love my parents but what if that even made a difference if I was someone else’s child?
Maybe I should commit suicide. What difference would it make to live in this world of give and take or take and take and more take and take some more and take until you don’t have anything else to take? Just take my life why don’t you? Only give me a half hearted story about how you’re sorry. Just maybe this may be the solution, but I’m not a loser and I will not give up on this life no matter how much it may be difficult.
Maybe if I was a mute then I’ll be forced to listen to the things that people are saying. But I will not have no other way to express my deepest of emotions without the voice that booms from my throat. Maybe if I was deaf, I would not be able to hear the crap but at the same time, I will not be able to listen to the things that are meaningful to my life today. Music will mean nothing to me if I was deaf. Maybe I should be blind. I wouldn’t be able to see people but I’ll hear them and speak to them. But what good is the little beauty in the world if you’re not able to see it?
Maybe I should face the reality of my being and just be who I was born to be. Who is that person? Since I don’t know then I have the chance to create a person that is of my image. I will create a person that I would be proud to see in the mirror everyday. Maybe I should mold myself into an imaginary creature that is too rare to even be in existence. Maybe then when I’m gone to the next phase in life, I’ll be the rare being that existed only in her own mind.
Maybe if I lost my mind then I will be free of it. But because my world is all in my mind, If I lose my mind then I will lose myself. Then I will forever be mentally dead. I’ll be better off dead if I were to lose my mind.
Maybe I’m just overthinking. Or is it possible that people are not thinking enough?
One day I just may be…
When will one day be?